Hold on to Hope
by NaleyWriter23
Summary: Nathan's POV- "We were the perfect couple that had been together since High School. The couple that had given people hope that true love was real. And if we don't work out, then I too, think love is a bunch of crap."


**Okay so this was a short one-shot I've been working on in my spare time just to get the creative juices flowing before I start updating my big chapter stories. It's a bit angsty because I was in the mood for Naley angst since I mostly write fluff haha.**

**A huge thanks to Dawn, Jessie, Kayla, Jen, and Marit, as well as all my other loyal readers/ followers. I am so unbelievably thankful for each and every one of you. **

**For those of you who read "Hollywood Love Story" I was blown away by the amount of positive feedback I got, so thank you. I'm going to update it once I finish my other two stories, as well as another one-shot I've been writing. So it might be a while, but I'll finish it. **

**Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this one-shot! :) **

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><p><strong>Another day wasted. Another day without seeing my beautiful wife and amazing children. Another day living in absolute hell. <strong>

It's been yet another long day as I sink into my leather couch, bringing the long necked bottle up to my lips gulping down the sour tasting Corona. My head falls back against the back of the cushion, and I groan at the thought of what my life has become.

I am Nathan Scott and I had the perfect life.

Key word being '_had_'.

My wife, Haley James Scott, was the best thing that has ever happened to me. She still is. I used to be the best thing that ever happened to her, but I know I'm not anymore. Together we have the best two children anyone could ever want. Our son, Jamie, who is now almost nine, and Lydia, our rambunctious three year old.

I haven't seen them in almost a week.

I should be at home reading them stories before they fall asleep, then crawl into my own bed with my wife at my side showing her how much I love her.

At least that's what used to happen before I screwed everything up.

A little over a year ago I played in the NBA for the Charlotte Bobcats. I was on the road a lot, which sucked because I missed my family so much. The absence of my presence took a toll on everyone. I feel like I missed everything. I missed Valentine's Day, Haley's birthday, my children's birthday's, and one time even Christmas. I know Haley felt like a single parent, which wasn't fair for her.

While I was out partying after a big win, she'd be wrestling with Lydia trying to get her to sleep in her own bed. While I was getting photographed with random women draped all over me, Haley would be in our bed crying because she missed me.

I know she tried to be strong because she knew how much my dream of being in the NBA meant to me, but on the inside she was a mess. It wasn't fair for her, and I should've realized that sooner. I should have put my family before my dreams. They matter more, but by the time I realized that, it was too late.

Haley and I began fighting a lot more when I was on the road, and sometimes we'd go without speaking for days. I knew it was bad, but I didn't think twice about it. I just figured it was a rough patch that all couples went through, and we'd eventually get through it.

Unfortunately, it takes a lot more than just hoping it'll go away. People in relationships need to work at it, while I just let mine whither out. I took advantage of Haley's strength…

I told her I'd come home one night after a home game so we could work on our marriage, but that was the same night of my coach's birthday party. I told him I'd show up for an hour and leave, but I quickly became intoxicated, completely forgetting that my wife was home waiting for me with a candle-light dinner she had slaved all day over in order to make.

And that was her breaking point.

I broke every speed limit to get to her; When I woke that morning, I found four missed calls, three voicemails, and twelve text messages.

I knew she was angry, worried, and royally pissed. I found her sprawled out on the couch, dried mascara stained over her rosy cheeks, and I realized I forgot how truly beautiful she was.

I remember groveling on my feet, begging for forgiveness, and she looked at me with teary eyes, and said that it was the last straw. She had it with me. My heart shattered in my chest. I asked her how she could just give up on us, and she told me that I was the one who gave up a long time ago. I told her I'd do anything. I didn't want to lose her. I couldn't live without her, but she told me I already was. I said I'd quit the NBA, and at that point I was completely desperate. I'd do anything for my wife and kids back. I still would.

She said she was tired of hurting, and at this point nothing was fixable. So, she kicked me out, and I had to go back to Charlotte. Once again, I thought she was just overreacting, and she'd eventually get over it. So a week later, I showed up with flowers and she slammed the door in my face. We fought even more, and I just walked away again.

Looking back now, I realized how stupid and blind I was. I kept sweeping my marriage under the rug, thinking nothing was a big deal, when it clearly made Haley very upset. I should have cared more….

It's too late now to think of all the things I should've done.

The bed was made, and now I have to lie in it. At this point, I'd rather be lying in a coffin because life sucks. More specifically, my life sucks.

It wasn't until I received the divorce papers about six months ago that I realized how badly I had screwed up. My heart physically ached more than any pain I had ever felt in my entire existence. At one point, I actually thought I was going to keel over from a heart attack.

We were now considered separated, and I guess Haley just wanted to legally end our marriage. How she could give up on us, I have no idea. I never stopped loving her, nor have I ever been interested in any woman after her. I may not have shown it, but I loved her with every fibre of my being. I never stopped loving her, and that's why I never signed the papers which are now thrown in my top desk drawer scattered around with various bills and miscellaneous clutter.

I eventually quit the NBA and bought an apartment right outside Tree Hill so I can be closer to my kids. I took up a job as a car salesman at my Uncle Keith's auto-shop, which I don't really need but it helps me keep my mind off of things for at least eight hours a day. I despise the job, especially the obnoxious haggling customers, but it keeps me from going stir crazy.

There was a time right after I had received the papers that I literally rolled up into a ball on my couch and drank myself into a stupor.

It wasn't until my brother Lucas had found me and reminded me that this was partially my fault and if I wanted to fix things then I'd have to work for it. Luckily my kids accepted me back into their arms immediately and Haley let me see them quite frequently.

It was hard for them… especially Lydia. They didn't understand why I was no longer living with them and why Haley and I are no longer together.

I remember hearing Lydia say she thought I left them because she thought I hated them. My heart once again, shredded to microscopic pieces. My own kids thought I hated them. How did my life come to this?

I despise myself for becoming 'that' guy. The guy that had a perfect life and ruined it because he's an idiot. I know for a fact people look at Haley and think how can her husband leave _her_? And I guess I deserve that. I made a lot of mistakes, and now I'm paying the price. I am living in hell, all the while trying to get Haley back.

We no longer fight as much as we used to, but we aren't the couple that everyone used to envy, anymore either. I think a lot of people were just as shocked as I was to learn that Haley and I had separated. We were the perfect couple that had been together since High School. The couple that had given people hope that true love was real. And if we don't work out, then I too, think love is a bunch of crap.

Love should be able to heal anything, but sometimes… love just isn't enough.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when a shrill ring fills my ears. I place the beer that I am currently nursing onto the table beside me, and pull out myself to see who is calling.

I feel my heart leap to my throat, a small smile curving on my lips when I look at the I.D.

"Hello?" I answer slightly happier than I should sound.

"Nathan? Hi, I'm so glad you answered. I need your help-" I hear her beautiful, mesmerizing voice through the speaker.

"Haley? What's wrong? Are you okay?" I blurt out nervously.

"I'm fine, but the babysitter just backed out last minute and I was hoping that if you were free you could watch the kids-"

Spend time with my beautiful children… how can I say no to that?

"Of course. I'd love to-" I ramble excitedly, already jumping off from the couch.

"Great, thank you so much! Would you be able to get here in like ten minutes? My date should be coming around that time-"

I was in the middle of throwing on my shoes, when I heard her say the word date. I practically fell to the floor, the only thing saving me was the fact I placed my hand against the wall in order to steady myself.

"D-da-date?" I stuttered, jealously and anger immediately coursing through my burning veins.

Haley sighed dramatically, "Yes, Nathan, my date."

"I didn't know you were seeing someone-" My voice comes out harsher than intended.

"I'm not-" Haley rushes out. "I just… I deserve to be happy, too, okay?"

I scoff loudly into the receiver, "You think I'm happy about this?"

There's a small silence that seems to linger forever, until she speaks again. "Nathan, please, I can't do this right now-"

"Fine. I'll be there soon." I relent, blowing out another deep breath as I press my index finger against my left temple.

"Thanks." Haley says softly, clicking the end call button, and I was left with a loud dial tone piercing my ears in the dead silence.

I run a hand through my hair as her words sink in. Haley was going on a date, with a man who was not me. Recently we had begun talking again, almost becoming sort of friends, and I had high hopes of rekindling our marriage and now… I don't know what the hell to think at this point. All I know is Haley's moving on, while I'm stuck in hell pining for what we had.

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><p>I clear my throat nervously as I shift my weight onto my heavy legs as I awkwardly knock on what used to be my front door. I drag a hand through my raven black hair and glance down at my attire. I'm still dressed in my work clothes, black slacks, along with a baby blue button down, the top three buttons undone, as well as the sleeves rolled up. I can only hope I look presentable.<p>

Just then, the door swings open, revealing my pajama clad three year old. My pride and joy.

She runs into my arms as I lean down to pick her up in my arms and spin her around as I pepper kisses on her face.

I can only wish I could do the same to Haley…

"Lydia! You know better than to open the door without permission!" I hear my wife, ex-wife… scold.

"It's okay, momma, it's only Daddy!" Lydia smiles, and I know Haley can't resist her adorable face, because I sure as hell can't.

Haley sighs, as I watch her gaze sweep over my body, almost like the way she would look at me before we made love…

I shake those thoughts from my head and give her a warm smile. "Hey Hales."

Haley seems caught off guard, as her eyes shoot up from my toned chest and into my piercing blue eyes. She clears her throat and gives me an apprehensive smile. "Hi, Nathan."

My eyes can't help but sweep over her perfectly toned body, and I swear she got more beautiful from the last time I saw her, which I don't even know how that's possible.

Her honey blonde hair was perfectly curled down neatly past her shoulders, and the strapless red dress fit perfectly around her delicious curves. It took everything in me not to pin her against the wall and-

"You look beautiful, Haley." I whisper almost breathlessly.

A faint pink blush crept into Haley's cheeks, as she smiled shyly. "Thanks."

"Yeah, momma! You look pretty! Where are you going?" Lydia asked from my arms.

Haley smoothed out the invisible wrinkles on her dress and gave a tight smile, avoiding my eyes. "I'm just going out with a friend." She said calmly.

"Do I know him?" I asked throatily.

Haley shook her head, "No. A co-worker set us up."

"Oh." I say lamely, shifting Lydia in my arms.

"Dad!" I hear Jamie shout, as he runs into the entryway with a gleeful smile upon his face.

I can't help but smile despite the awkward tension between Haley and I. My kids are my saving grace.

"Hey buddy! How are you?"

"I'm awesome! I won my basketball game at recess today!" He tells me with a triumphant smile.

I lean down to give him a high five. "That's great bud! I'm so proud of you."

"Daddy, I drawed a picture for you! Wanna see?" Lydia competes for attention as she squirms in my arms.

"I'd love to, Princess!"

Lydia jumps out of my arms and disappears into the kitchen, leaving me, Jamie and Haley alone.

"So Dad, are you staying tonight?" Jamie asks me with a hopeful grin.

I lean down to ruffle his dirty blonde hair, "No Jamie, I'm sorry."

He pouted, "Why not?"

My back straightens, "You know I'm on a time out right now."

"When does it end?" He shouted. "I want you to come home!"

I look at Haley whose eyes are now glazed with a fresh coat of tears. It breaks my heart that my family is suffering.

"I don't know, little man. I'm sorry." I sigh dejectedly.

Jamie slumps his shoulders but then smiles, "Are you and Mom going out?"

Haley places her manicured hand on his shoulder, "Daddy's going to watch you tonight. I'm going out with Stephen. Remember?"

Stephen.

I inwardly cringe at the name, as my jaw clenches rhythmically.

"Again?" Jamie squeaks.

Oh great, so apparently this is a weekly occurrence. How many times have they actually went out? Have my kids met this tool bag? Do they like him?  
>My fist clenches into a tight ball, and I suddenly have the urge to punch a hole through the wall.<p>

"Yeah, Jame. Are you okay with that?" Haley asks, avoiding my eyes again.

Jamie's face scrunches together, "I wish you were with Dad." He mutters angrily, stomping away on the urge of a temper tantrum.

Haley's eyes squeeze together as she drags a hand through her hair frustratedly. "God…" She whispers. I can tell this upsets her just as much as it upsets me.

"Haley…" I whisper softly.

Her eyes open slowly, and for a second my heart stops when our gaze meets.

"I wanna come home, Haley." I say more firmly this time.

She bites her bottom lip, and shakes her head. "Don't start this again, Nathan-"

" I miss you so much, baby-" My heart throbs with need, my voice is weak and scratchy.

Haley shakes her head as she starts to turn, but I hastily grab her arm, pulling her flush against my body, pure adrenaline takes over my sense of being, as I press a passionate kiss against her smooth, luscious lips.

She's shocked at first, but she doesn't pull away. In fact, a small moan escapes her lips, only adding fuel to the fire burning through my body. It has been far too long since I kissed her lips, and tasted her addicting mouth.

My hands eagerly run over her body which fits perfectly against mine. God, I love this woman.

My tongue collides with hers in a hungry kiss, only for her to practically jump off of me the minute theres a knock on the door.

She runs her palm over her swollen lips and blushes, avoiding my eyes as I decide to stay rooted in my spot wanting to meet the tool bag who is taking my wife on a date.

"Stephen! Hi!" Haley shouts almost nervously.

"Hey Haley. You look great." He grins, holding his arms out for a quick hug, in which she sickeningly accepts.

After he pulls away his puke green eyes bore questioningly into mine as I glare icly back at him.

"Oh um, Stephen, this is my… ex-husband… Nathan Scott. Nathan this is-"

"Stephen." I growled.

"It's nice to meet you-" Stephen attempts a smile, in which I don't return. His hand falls back to his side as Haley shoots me an icy glare.

"Well this is awkward." He chuckles like a loser.

Haley looks as if she's about to say something but stops when Lydia runs back into the room with the picture she drew for me. I kneel down and smile. "What's this munchkin'?"

"It's me, you, momma, and Jamie!" She smiles unknowingly increasing the awkward tension.

"It's great, Lyd. I love it." I smile, scooping her back in my arms, not wanting her to be exposed to the asshole in front of me.

"Okay Haley, we better get going." Stephen says uncomfortably.

Haley nods in agreement, "Bye Lyd. I love you, Princess. Be good for Daddy, okay?"

"Okay." She gurgles.

"Jamie?" Haley calls out, "I'm leaving, come say goodbye!"

"No!" Jamie shouts adamantly from his spot on the couch in the living room.

Haley sighs frustratedly again, "You're never here with them, and I look like the bad guy." She spits angrily at me as she grabs her bag and goes to find Jamie in order to say her goodbyes. Once she finishes she kisses Lydia one last time, her eyes briefly meeting mine, then turned out the door in a hasty manner.

I'm so confused by her behavior, and as much as I love spending time with my kids, I can't wait until Haley gets home.

* * *

><p>"Daddy, why don't you love Mommy anymore?" I'm surprised to hear Lydia say as she climbs up onto my lap as I'm sitting on my old couch watching Jamie attempt to pick out a game for us to play.<p>

My eyes instinctually close when a sad sigh emits from my lips.

"I love your Mommy more than anything, Lydia. I know it's hard for you to understand what's going on, but your mom and I just need a little break right now." I explain as best as I possibly can.

Her small head nuzzles into my neck, just as her mother used to do. I sigh nostalgically, wrapping a protective arm around my beautiful adorable.

"Are you ever gonna' come home?" She asked, her giant tearful eyes boring questioningly into mine.

A thick lump grows in my throat, "I hope so."

"You should." Jamie spoke up, evidently giving up on finding a board game, and climbed back onto the couch with me. "Mommy misses you too, even if she doesn't say it. I hear her cry every single night when she thinks I'm sleeping."

My ears are now fully perked in attention. I had no idea about this information.

"What?" I ask lamely, not even sure if I heard my son correctly.

Jamie looks as if he knew he shouldn't have told me that highly classified information. "Don't tell her that I know!" He shouted nervously, fretting a punishment.

"I won't." I swore. "Thanks for telling me, buddy."

"I don't like that Steve guy, very much." He grumbled, slouching against my forearm.

"Why not?" I asked, my curiosity fully piqued.

Jamie shrugged, "He kissed Mommy like you used to."

Ouch.

My already bruised and beaten heart just shredded as if it were cut in half by a Samurai sword.

"How many times has he and Mommy gone out?" I ask with a rough edge quivering on my tone.

"I dunno. Like twice." Jamie mused softly. "He tries to talk to me and Lydia, but he's weird."

I chuckled softly, unbelievably thankful for my children's loyalty. My wife may hate me but thank goodness, they don't. In all honesty, they're the only things keeping me sane right about now.

"I love you guys, you know that, right?" I feel compelled to ask.

Lydia nodded, her eyes closed, her angelic face lazily bore into my shoulder. "I love you too, Daddy."

"I know, Dad. I love you, too." Jamie promises.

If only Haley could say those words I desperately needed to hear from her, maybe, just maybe I wouldn't feel this heavy void in my lifeless heart.

* * *

><p>It's near midnight when a light tap is felt on my left shoulder. Slowly, my eyes flutter open to find the love of my life leaning over me with a small smile upon her lips.<p>

"Hey." I whisper throatily, careful not to wake up my kids who were sleeping on either side of me.

"Hi, sorry to wake you-" She says guiltily.

Bringing my palm up to my eyes, I rub the sleep from them, as I take a second to readjust to the darkness.

"It's okay. I'll just bring them up to bed, and I'll be getting home." I whisper pathetically.

Home.

What even is that anymore?

As far as I'm concerned home is where Haley and my kids are… so the cold, empty apartment is not home.

Haley nods wordlessly as she takes Lydia from my arms, and I gently pick up Jamie as we carry them to their respective bedrooms, in order to tuck them in; the way we should, every single night.

I dreadfully walk past my old room, unable to help myself from taking a peek in. The room looks the same; calm sea foam green walls, the brown and same green colored bedspread sat neatly over the mattress, and a bunch of throw pillows were aimlessly spread over the bed. Next to the bed are two nightstands, mine is completely empty- just like my heart, but on Haley's rests the same picture from our wedding night… I didn't know she still had it… it gives me hope.

She must've been aware of my thoughts as she came up from behind me and sighed. "It's getting late…" She shuffled on her feet.

"Yeah." I stuff my hands in my jean pockets, and sigh dejectedly. I know I can't keep putting off this conversation. "Can we talk?"

Haley's eyes divert to Lydia's closed door, and frowns. "Let's go downstairs." She advises as I follow her slowly into the living room where we apprehensively take a seat on the couch.

It's quiet, and awkward, and all I want to do is delete the gap between us and engulf her perfect lips that I have been deprived from, in a passionate kiss.

I can barely stand the silence as I decide to ask the horrifying question that plagued my mind the entire night. "How was your date?" I choke out through the ball of nerves in my throat.

She's silent as she thinks about her response. "Fine." She shrugged off-handedly.

I try to smile but I can't. I'm incapable of smiling when all I feel is total sadness rushing through my veins. "Oh." I reply in my pathetic voice.

"Did you sign the papers yet?" She blurts immediately, stunning me out of my already nervous state of mind.

"I...uh… no. I didn't, and I'm not going to-"

"Nathan-" She sighed tiredly, clearly fed up from having this conversation again.

"No, listen to me, Hales." I plead, my voice sounding bold despite the fluttering in my stomach. "I love you. I never stopped loving you. I made a promise to you, always and forever, and I meant it. I need you…" My voice breaks as I almost begin to choke on the overbearing emotions.

"Nathan-" Haley tries again, small beads of tears glaze over her wide brown eyes.

"I understand… if you don't love me anymore…but I just… I can't give up on us… I won't… I'll fight like hell for the rest of my life until you tell me not to, so just… please..." I practically beg, my own coat of tears pricking my eyes.

Her eyes snap shut, "Always and forever." She whispers, the sound of her voice sending shivers down my spine. "That's what sucks, Nathan. I want to believe you, I do, but I just want to do what's best for you-"

"For me?" My voice shouts louder than I intended. "Never have I ever suggested a divorce. I wanted to fight for us, you're the one who gave up!"

"Me? I gave up?" She bellows rhetorically, jumping from her spot on the couch. "You were the one who never came home! You were the one who thought parties were more important than your own freakin' family! Do you know how I felt every night while you were out? I was all alone-" The tears were now pouring hotly down her crimson face.

"I told you I was sorry! That was another lifetime ago! I was foolish, and stupid, and I'm willing to fight for you. I may be a little late, but I will do whatever it takes-"

Haley inhales a sharp breath, "I can't do this-"

"Can't do what, Haley? Can't talk to me?" I fire back. "As far as I'm concerned, you're the one who wants to give up. I never did! I don't want a divorce… I love you! God, Hales, I miss you so much." My own tears fall freely, no matter how hard I try to keep them at bay. "Wh-why? How could you ask for a divorce? Do you really hate me that much?" I ask, my voice in a small whisper, hardly sounding like myself at all.

"I don't hate you, Nathan." Haley replies in a just as soft voice as mine.

"Then why… why would you give up on us?" My voice raises with anger again. "I thought you loved me! Is it because you want to date other guys? What, did you have an affair?"

Haley's eyes ignite with a cold blooded fire as they cut sharply into mine, her hand raises up to my left cheek as she smacks me right across my face.

"How dare you!" She screams. "I can't believe you would even suggest something that absurd! I cried every damn night for you Nathan! Every damn night! I couldn't even look at another man… you were it for me!" Her voice chokes on the deafening sobs escaping her throat. "The fact that you don't even trust me-"

"Well then why the hell would you go on a date with another man when we aren't even divorced yet?" At this point my voice is ricocheting off the walls, and I wouldn't be surprised if the kids had woken up.

Haley looks at me, another batch of tears pour out of her eyes when she places her palm over her heart. "I- I… this pain it too much for me… I am dying here without you Nathan. It kills me that you think I don't love you… because I do. God, I love you so much, and that's why it hurts to much… you hurt me Nathan….I didn't know what else to do… I just want what's best for us… we're not the same couple we used to be-"

"Maybe not, but we're gonna get there. What's best is when we're together… and we're gonna get there… just believe in us…" I swore with a hopeful glee reflecting in my eyes.

Haley nodded softly, another tear trickled down her cheek, and I hastily brought my thumb up to her cheek in order to wipe it away gently. Leaning down slowly, my lips attached to hers, and she didn't pull away.

"I've missed you." She whispered breathlessly, giggling through her tears as I peppered small kisses on her cheek.

"We're gonna get there…" I promise again, pulling her flush against my body. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She smiled for the first time in forever.

Sometimes, love really is enough; just don't give up.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it. <strong>


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